Sometimes when you lose, you win

I look at my baby brother falling in love for the first time and I can't help but cringe just to think of all the suffering he is going to encounter... I've loved, yes more than once. I remember the first time. It was so incredible, everything was new and I don't regret anything but leaving him because you see the first time is so pure. He was amazing and I was happy but beause Im human I wondered what else was out there. My second time around was unexpected, to someone I never imagined, we were so different, but I fell in love in the worst way. I was completely blind and in the end I lost all sence of who I was because his reality turned into my own. The way he saw me turned into how I ended up seeing myself. We had our moments, you know those "just sheer joy of being next to you ones" where I could watch him sleep and we would talk in the tub for hours. But as time passed by those moments where less and less until in the end there where none. Now I have never been one to give up because I've been raise to think that through hard work you can overcome many things but I learned the one thing you can't overcome is how much efort others put into it. He was different he was given anything he wanted without working ever so when our demise came I knew it was for the best... before I lost anymore of myself. Lately I have been back in the real world only to realize that im not normal. Now im not saying this in a good or bad way im just different. If im depressed I don't feel like being social. I can be fun but drinking and partying every night just doesnt do it for me anymore. Neither do expesive clothes, nice cel phones or fake boobs. But the rest of my generation, mainly the people who surround me im not generalizing, just doesnt see it that way. Ok so im not hot, I dont have huge boobs and I dont feel like exibiting the ones I have all the time. I hate hollywood and love sundance (foreign movies rock) I love photography and reading. SOoo I don't fit in with my friends anymore. I all the sudden turned into this alien dork who cant decide between being "normal" and being weird. Im not exempting myself I was brought up in their world of Gucci sunglasses and criticism but somehow I don't feel a part of it anymore. But now I don't fit in anywhere cause the intelectuals take one look at me and they think, not intelectual enough, while my old crew think , not "cool" anymore. SOooo where do "cool", turned intelectual go? I guess into the abyss of their own thoughts and the only three friends who don't care what I look like or think, the ones that just love me for me... So in the end Im glad we're done with cause you would never choose hell over heaven just to be with me for eternity...